Superman/Batman: Apocalypse Trailer

The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes Trailer

Thanks once again to ENI for uploading the video.

Batman: Under the Red Hood Clip

Judging by this clip, Bruce Greenwood is the best Batman voice they've found so far who isn't named Kevin Conroy. Batman: Under the Red Hood comes out July 27, 2010.

Why Not Call It, "The Pursuit Of Cobra"?

So if the rumors about the title of a new G.I. JOE cartoon (here and here) are accurate, and the series is going to be called G.I. JOE: Renegades, I have to question the decision. Hasbro is debuting a new line called The Pursuit Of Cobra this fall, and this is the company who didn't want to release two figures named Rip Cord who looked completely different. That's why the classic Rip Cord was given the code name Spc. Altitude in the Attack on Cobra Island seven-pack last year. Will The Pursuit Of Cobra feature characters specific to the new animation? There's no sign of that in what we've seen of the first two waves. Will they put a Renegades logo at the top of the packaging for characters from the new show? Does Hasbro plan to launch two competing lines? That really wouldn't make much sense, given the current state of the economy and the fact that retailers will still need to move The Rise Of Cobra toys to make room for even one new line. Are there even any plans for toys specific to the cartoon? And if not, what's the point of it?

Hasbro registered the domain name gijoerenegades.com on April 7 of this year, which makes these rumors seem all the more valid. Some light will probably be shed on this subject later this week at the G.I. JOE Collectors' Convention, but we still have a few days to speculate.

You Are Easily Entertained

I could be talking about lots of people right now, from the millions who watch American Idol (or any other "reality" show) every week to the people who keep prattling on about how great Avatar is. I could be talking about the few zhlobs who are still willing to admit they loved The Matrix, or I could be referring to the masochists who keep buying tickets to Brett Ratner and Roland Emmerich movies. They're not the subject of this post, though. I'm talking to you today, the genre animation fan.

Yes, you. The fan who settled for The Batman after nearly a decade-and-a-half of Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, The New Batman Adventures, Batman Beyond, Justice League, and Justice League Unlimited. Now you're on the internet trying to convince people that Batman: The Brave And The Bold is a quality series. Deep down, I think you really know better. Even though you say it's a "fun" show, I think you realize how bad it is, even if you won't admit it (not even to yourself).

And yes, I'm also talking to you, the Transformers Animated fan. I guess you were just desperate for anything that even resembled the Robots In Disguise you remember from the '80s after that disaster of a "film" Michael Bay delivered. Look, I get it. I've been there before. I've known the abject disappointment that comes with being a huge fan of a particular property that gets butchered by some hack with studio backing. Tim Burton's Batman, anyone? It doesn't mean you have to embrace something that happens to not suck quite as hard and pretend like it has any real merit. You hear any Detroit Lions fans talking about how great the team was in 2009 because they didn't lose every game? No, you don't. That's because even Lions fans aren't as self-deceiving as you.

And yes, I'm talking to you most of all, G.I. JOE: Resolute fans. Talk about drinking the proverbial fucking Kool-Aid. A preview was shown in San Diego, and the clip included some actual violence. You were so excited! It was announced that this new web series would be a more grown-up JOE, and you could barely keep your panties dry. Warren Ellis was announced as the writer, and there was much rejoicing. And then Resolute was released, bit by bit, on the internet before airing in its entirety on [adult swim], and...

It was boring. It was weak. It was tired, stale, and unoriginal. It was nothing special. In fact, it was pretty goddamn bad. But you just couldn't admit it. Why? Are you living in denial? No, you're just easily entertained. And that's okay. Lots of people enjoy subpar entertainment, but you haven't even figured out that you're one of them. In fact, you go out of your way to convince yourself (and everyone who will pay attention to you) that you're not. That is where you're in denial. You keep going on and on about how "great" this stuff is, the amazing "quality" of the writing (which was absolutely the worst of Ellis' career), and how it was, "stunning," "groundbreaking," "brilliant," and several other adjectives (these were pulled from actual comments across various sites) that have no business being associated with this piece of shit.

Because that's exactly what it was, a piece of shit, at least in terms of storytelling. And there's a trend here, one that reaches deeper than simply cartoons based on popular characters from toy lines and comic books. That trend is Sam Register. I knew he operated under the assumption that animation has to be dumbed down for the lowest common denominator in order to appeal to children, but I didn't know he felt the same way about adults until I saw Resolute. Rather than reject this notion when your intelligence was insulted with this garbage, however, you did those of us who appreciate top-notch fiction with our animation a tremendous disservice by not only accepting it, but actually lavishing praise on this halfhearted effort.

So not only are you easily entertained, but you're also bad for the medium, and that's the real shame of the matter.

Justice League: Crisis On Two Earths Trailer

Written by one of the best in the business, Dwayne McDuffie.

New Superman Cartoon In The Works?

Check out this Twitter update (yes, I call them "Twitter updates") from James Urbaniak, the voice actor behind Doctor Thaddeus Venture from The Venture Bros.

Quote: Have an audition for a Superman cartoon. Sadly not the title part.

Could this be a new series, or possibly another DTV release from Warner Premiere? We already know who's voicing the main characters in Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (written by Dwayne McDuffie), which is scheduled for a spring release next year, so they're not auditioning for roles in that. One way or another, this means more new animation on the horizon for the Man of Steel, so stay tuned for more details.

When Superman Needs A Giant Mirror...

He goes to Palomar Observatory, of course. Scott Kardel, my pal and the guy to whom I turn for all information related to astronomy, is Public Affairs Coordinator for the observatory. He posted a great Super Friends clip over at his Palomar Skies blog. In it, Superman travels to Palomar to make use of their 200-inch mirror.

Scott's blog is a terrific resource of knowledge and photography, so be sure to bookmark it for return visits in the future.

Ten Reasons Why The Rise Of Cobra Was Better Than G.I. JOE: Resolute

Before I begin with this list, I'd like to preface this entry with two notes and a warning.

First of all, I'm a big fan of Warren Ellis' work, and not just his comics. His episode of Justice League Unlimited, "Dark Heart," was fantastic. Ellis is an extraordinarily gifted writer, and one I count among my favorites. Having said that, I'm not sure if he was right for this job, or if he just phoned it in without taking it very seriously. Maybe the "webisode" micro-series format created a problem, or perhaps Sam Register, Ruiner Of All That Is Good, had too much influence over the final product. Whatever the case may be, this is not an indictment of Ellis' ability.

Secondly, I thoroughly enjoyed the animation and most of the character designs in G.I. JOE: Resolute. Joaquim Dos Santos is another master of his craft, but like Ellis, I felt his talents were wasted on this project. When I first saw this collaboration announced, I honestly believed that Resolute would be the best G.I. JOE release of 2009. I don't know that my initial assumption could have been more off the mark.

As for the warning, if you still haven't seen either of these, and you plan to do so eventually, stop reading. I'm not going to hide spoiler text, so proceed at your peril. With that out of the way, I give you Ten Reasons Why The Rise Of Cobra Was Better Than G.I. JOE: Resolute:

10) Hawk was in command. For whatever reason, Hawk was totally MIA in Resolute. The whole, "Duke is in charge," aspect of the Sunbow series was one of the many things I hated about it, and here he was, right back in command of the whole goddamn team. Aside from a couple of elements involving the history of Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow and a reference to (the wrong) Springfield, this thing seemed to be catering to fans of the 1980s cartoon from the very start. For people who grew up with the Sunbow episodes as their idea of what G.I. JOE is, I'll admit that Resolute was an improvement, but that's really not saying much. Maybe fans of the show were predisposed to being more easily entertained by this stuff, but as a Hama fan, it was an absolute letdown.

9) Stephen Sommers didn't pussy out when it came time to kill one off the good guys (er, girls). Just after Scarlett's audition for CSI: Washington in Resolute, we see an explosion on the U.S.S. Flagg, followed by the revelation that a well-known JOE had been killed while on guard duty. That JOE was Bazooka, who was killed off-screen by Storm Shadow. In fact, agents of Cobra (aside from Major Bludd, who also died off-screen) are the only named characters who die in front of the audience. We never see a JOE, or even an anonymous civilian, die on-screen. Why? Well, a lot of it probably has to do with the fact that Resolute Cobra Troopers are about as effective with their weapons as the Stormtroopers in STAR WARS. Several of them miss Duke and Scarlett at very close range. It was like I'd suddenly been transported back to the '80s, despite promises of "grown-up" G.I. JOE animation. When it came time to kill off Cover Girl in The Rise Of Cobra, though, Sommers didn't hold back. His Zartan stabbed her right in the back and on through the screen of her large tablet-thingy. Sure, Resolute was violent, but with the absurd amount of poor aim and the completely one-sided battles, the violence it did showcase seemed forced. Violence for the sake of violence does not make for an entertaining experience.

8) No one confused the stratosphere for a fucking tunnel. Seriously, when G.I. JOE has a job that requires sending someone halfway to outer space, just how the hell does Tunnel Rat draw that duty? And was it really even necessary for him to float up there to apply his "power surge" cure-all? With all the technology used in this story, couldn't we come up with something that wouldn't require sending the wrong guy on a balloon ride twenty or thirty miles up in the air? Okay, just to avoid any future confusion, anyone who's not sure of the difference can use this diagram (original located here):


7) Duke wasn't doing his Wolverine impression. Seriously, I like Steve Blum's work, and the guy has plenty of range. Why, though, does his Duke sound exactly like his Logan? If you've seen Hulk Vs. or Wolverine and the X-Men (and you should if you haven't), or even played any recent Marvel-based video games, it's fairly distracting.

6) Snake-Eyes wasn't Duke's bitch. In The Rise Of Cobra, it was all Duke could manage to get Snake-Eyes on the ground with a cheap shot during a sparring match. Duke needed that Delta Six accelerator suit just to keep up with Snake-Eyes. In Resolute, Duke's grumpy glare and, "You be ready when we need you," shit is exactly the time for Snake-Eyes to give a look that says, "I'm going to do what I need to do, and I'll be ready when I'm good and goddamn ready, Duke. And hey, if you don't like it, I can go ninja upside your stupid face." That's all Snake-Eyes needs to convey that message, just a look. From behind a mask. And don't even get me started on the bizarre crossbreeding of continuities where Duke punks Snake-Eyes out with Scarlett, guilting her into choosing to be with him before Snake-Eyes even leaves the room. Why the need to cut Snake-Eyes' nuts off in Resolute? Just to make Duke look tougher?

5) Cobra Commander managed to be sinister. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Cobra Commander was infinitely more minacious than the imbecilic portrayal in Resolute. Despite excusing past failures by saying, "it suited (him) once to appear weak and cowardly," in order to "motivate" his subordinates to "think," what does the Resolute Cobra Commander do when the chips are down? He massacres his own followers and locks himself in a panic room. After telling Duke he won't be able to stop Cobra's doomsday device du jour from firing, Duke apparently locates a convenient deus ex machina in the form of a switch that redirects the weapon. Right at Cobra headquarters. Can't stop it, but you can aim it right at us! Oy vey. Gordon-Levitt's character exuded scary and threatening, delivering a competent Commander that can be taken seriously.

4) Destro and Baroness actually did stuff. Resolute transformed two of the most compelling, interesting personalities of the entire mythos into a wannabe, Bonnie-and-Clyde-style duo of common thugs, their sole purpose in the story being guard duty over a building and a group of hostages. Destro was actually shown to be an arms dealer with a grudge against his client states in The Rise Of Cobra, and Baroness turned out to be more than just his tagalong/sidekick/lover. ROC Destro is a convincing villain; Resolute Destro says, "Aw, that's just bloody cheating."

3) Arnold Vosloo's Zartan, scripted perfectly by Stuart Beattie and performed flawlessly by Vosloo, was a completely enjoyable character. He was exactly what a villain should be, cold and calculating, a creepy sociopath who makes the audience have a good time with all the awful things he does. Beattie gave him a trademark whistle, which even gives you a good chuckle immediately after you realize the guy probably murdered the President of the United States. The Zartan of Resolute was shallow and one-dimensional, more of a minor plot obstacle than a character. It was glaringly obvious that absolutely no thought went into his inclusion beyond, "Oh, yeah, get the guy who can blend into his surroundings into the story." What was Zartan's contribution? Stereotypical monologuing until he gets shot in the back in the most intellectually lazy scene of the entire affair.

"I like the idea of living in a world where I can kill anyone I like, any time I like. I don't need the money; I just need the killin'." Fuck's sake, that's garbage. It's not at all true to any previous depiction of the character, either.

2) Storm Shadow was not portrayed as a whining, petulant child in The Rise Of Cobra. His bitching and whining in the animation is rivaled only by the bitching and whining of obnoxious "fans" who insist that The Rise Of Cobra "insulted" the source material and ruined their childhood memories. Going back to the original Marvel series from the '80s, and even in the awful Sunbow cartoons, Storm Shadow was always an honorable warrior. Always. There were no exceptions. He was never a pathetic, sniveling twat who would conspire in his own uncle's assassination, simply because the man refused to share a dangerous secret with him. His sole motivation in the non-flashback scenes of Resolute was his jealousy of Snake-Eyes, and his reason for becoming a terrorist in the first place was that Unkey Hardmaster didn't wuv him enough. Every aspect of this interpretation of Storm Shadow was an abject disappointment.

1) The Rise Of Cobra was fun. I don't mean it was, "turn off your brain," mindless action, like some critics have suggested. I mean the movie, the story, the characters, and the action were all fun. Resolute failed miserably in this department, crawling at a snail's pace and feeding its audience an overdose of unnecessary exposition. That's not to say Resolute needed more shooting or explosions, but it needed more something, as it was dreadfully boring. There was actually plenty of action, even if most of it was poorly executed. The problem was with the contrived story and phony dialogue that wrapped around the action.

Like pretty much everyone else who grew up with the G.I. JOE books published by Marvel Comics, I have a personal preference for those stories, and I would have been happier if The Rise Of Cobra had adhered more closely to them. What really matters when it comes to this sort of thing, though, is that a filmmaker gets the fundamentals right, and Stephen Sommers accomplished that. But hey, don't take my word for it. Listen to Larry Hama in this interview:

Quote: I really like it. I mean, I like it for all the really sort of basic reasons. I think they were really true to the core of the characters. Scarlett seems like Scarlett. Snake-Eyes comes off as Snake-Eyes. Storm Shadow is Storm Shadow.

Compare that with what he had to say about Resolute:

Quote: I read a couple of the scripts, and it just seemed like he really didn't understand the characters. I wasn't really interested. He didn't seem to also understand anything about military terminology or technology, for that matter, either. So I just turned myself off.

'Nuff said.

Ten Reasons Why The Rise Of Cobra Was Better Than G.I. JOE: Resolute

Sign Here, Please: Larry Hama

Having already been indoctrinated in the ways of the Force since just after my birth, I was introduced to something new at the age of five in 1982. That was the year I received my first G.I. JOE figures, Breaker and Snake-Eyes. Breaker was pretty cool, but not the most exciting toy in the world. Snake-Eyes, on the other hand, was more than just an ordinary soldier toy. He was dressed in all black, and he wore a mask. A soldier who wears a mask must be badass, right? I was intrigued, and it wasn't long before I realized there were monthly adventures to be followed in G.I. JOE from Marvel Comics. Issues #2-#10 held my attention (I didn't get a copy of #1 for a few years), but things really picked up in the teens. Characters like Destro, Dr. Venom, and Scar-Face were introduced. Betrayal occurs in the ranks of Cobra, and Baroness suffers for it. Something else happend when the series got to issue #21, though, a chapter without even a single word of dialogue. It had already been established that Snake-Eyes didn't speak, but this was a silent issue, and it introduced Storm Shadow, the Cobra ninja. Ninjas? Really? I was hooked.

I followed the series for years. Zartan and the Dreadnoks came next, and as the origins of Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow, Zartan, and Cobra Commander were fleshed out, I grew increasingly eager for each month's new installment. When the animated series debuted in 1985, it was a tremendous disappointment. This cartoon was nothing like the comics I had been reading! '85 was also the year I really got into DC Comics. I had always loved Batman, and I already had several of the Super Powers figures, but the Super Friends and Super Friends: The Legendary Super Powers Show cartoons were the media fueling my interest. Once I read Crisis On Infinite Earths, I knew there was more to superheroes than what those shows could offer.

But even as I read titles with Batman, Superman, Firestorm, and the Justice League, it was G.I. JOE I read religiously. I could not miss an issue of that book. The stories weren't talking down to me like the animation was, they provided me with history and character development, and people actually got hit by bullets (not lasers!) in combat. This meant something to me. I didn't want to see parachutes every time an aircraft was lost in battle; I wanted consequences. Larry Hama, who wrote an amazing 149 of the 155 issues (in addition to over two dozen issues of G.I. JOE: Special Missions and most of the file cards from Hasbro's line of action figures), provided them.

It was Mr. Hama's work that most inspired me as a youth to take English and creative writing seriously in school, his storytelling that made me want to be a writer. I've only had one piece of fiction published, but I have managed to earn a living in the past as a proofreader and as a copywriter, and that likely would not be the case if I hadn't been so greatly influenced by Mr. Hama. When it was announced that he would be a guest the 2007 G.I. JOE Collectors' Convention in Atlanta, there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to meet a creator who'd had such an impact on me. Sure, I wanted to see the new 25th Anniversary action figures that were being shown for the first time, and I wanted to experience the convention itself, but my primary motivation in making the trip was a chance to meet Mr. Hama. I no longer have the G.I. JOE #21 I had as a kid, but I had replaced my old copy of G.I. JOE Yearbook #3, which contains the second silent story. I took it with me to Atlanta to have it signed by Mr. Hama.



After so many years of admiring his writing, meeting Mr. Hama, who was both friendly and humble, is a memory I will always keep with me.

There are several writers and artists I hope to meet at some point, creators like Frank Miller, Bruce Timm, Paul Dini, Jeph Loeb, Brad Meltzer, Tony Isabella, Grant Morrison, and Dennis O'Neil. I'm thinking of making the trip to NYCC next fall, so maybe I'll get a chance to scratch a couple of those guys off my list.

Sign Here, Please: Larry Hama

Mad Love: JLU Harley Quinn on MattyCollector.com

Just three days after Valentine's Day, Mattel is now taking orders for their new JLU Harley Quinn figure. Yes, Clock King, Scarecrow, and Bane are included in the set, too, but Harley! I've only been begging the Mattel guys to work a new Harley figure into the line for the last few years, and now it's just a matter of waiting on her to be delivered to my front door. Speaking of which, I wish all of the JLU figures were this easy to buy, but that's another topic for another day. I'll just celebrate the moment for now.

You can order your own set here.

Sam Register Dooms All Hope For DC Animation

I somehow missed this last week, but Warner Bros. Animation has given Sam Register a full-time job title as "Executive Vice President of Creative Affairs". What does that mean?

Quote: Register will oversee all development and production for the studio's toon wing, which aims to reinvigorate its operations to produce series and other content for TV, online and direct-to-video platforms. Register reports to (Peter) Roth, and will also work closely with the Warner Premiere direct-to-DVD division.

Awful. Seriously, just awful. It really shouldn't be a surprise, though, considering the way studios keep throwing cash at music-video-cameramen-turned-movie-directors like Michael Bay and Brett Ratner. Why would animation be any different?

Sam Register Dooms All Hope For DC Animation

Two Weeks Until HeroesCon '08

And they just recently debuted this on their blog:


The shirt was drawn by Evan Dorkin and colored by Sarah Dyer. Don't know who they are? You need to beef up on your DCAU knowledge. Check out Evan and Sarah's site.

How About A Corner Office At Soyuzmultfilm For Sam Register?

Because Russian kids are, according to the country's Communist Party, stupid.

Quote: "What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them. But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame," said Viktor Perov, a Communist Party member in Russia's second city of St Petersburg. The comments were made at a local Communist party meeting and posted on its Internet site www.kplo.ru... "Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett (are) second-rate actors, serving as the running dogs of the CIA. We need to deprive these people of the right of entering the country," said another party member, Andrei Gindos... "Our movie-goers are teenagers who are completely unaware of what happened in 1957," St Peterburg Communist Party chief Sergei Malinkovich told Reuters. "They will go to the cinema and will be sure that in 1957 we made trouble for the United States and almost started a nuclear war." "It's rubbish... In 1957 the communists did not run with crystal skulls throughout the U.S. Why should we agree to that sort of lie and let the West trick our youth?"

Look, Ivan, if your "youth" are stupid enough to believe the events depicted in the new Indiana Jones movie are historically accurate, then you've got much bigger problems on your hands than letting them see our evil Western propaganda movies. Like, you know, that whole being dumb thing. Then again, looking at your party's web site, I'd be lying if I said I was surprised that your kids are idiots. I mean, if you can't even find one competent designer in all of Mother Russia to make your "official" site look any better than that, what hope do your dumbass spawn have? Seriously, kids who take basic, introductory HTML courses in our community colleges can do better than that, and you even had the advantage of an out-of-the-box PHP software as a head start. What, is Photoshop a wicked tool of the capitalist pig, or something?

But I have good news, comrades! We have just the guy for your dimwitted youngsters, an American animation producer by the name of Sam Register. He specializes in dumbing down content for the most dense of offspring, and we kind of owe you one, anyway. After all, you gave us the brilliant Genndy Tartakovsky, so how about a swap? You take Register, and we'll call it even. Hell, take his new Batman cartoon, too. I'm sure your intellectually-challenged brats will love it.

How About A Corner Office At Soyuzmultfilm For Sam Register?

Sam Register Thinks Your Kids Are Stupid

Shortly after it was confirmed that The Batman would not be returning in the fall, Warner Bros. Animation sent out a press release last week to announce a new Bat-series, Batman: The Brave and The Bold, which had already been rumored for a couple of months.

Quote: Batman isn't going at it alone this time! From Warner Bros. Animation comes the latest interpretation of the Batman franchise. Our caped crusader is teamed up with heroes from across the DC Universe, delivering nonstop action and adventures with a touch of comic relief. Blue Beetle, Green Arrow, Aquaman and countless others will get a chance to uphold justice alongside Batman. Though still based in Gotham, Batman will frequently find himself outside city limits, facing situations that are both unfamiliar and exhilarating. With formidable foes around every corner, Batman will still rely on his stealth, resourcefulness and limitless supply of cool gadgets to bring justice home.

So for those hoping this would continue the continuity established in The Batman, the "latest interpretation" bit would have shot down any hopes of that. Having never been a fan of The Batman, this would have to be an improvement, right? Wrong. Check out these character designs:



Different people have said it reminds them of different things, but what immediately came to my mind when I saw it was this:



That's the Batman figure from Mattel's Super Friends line, toys aimed at very young children ("3+"). Also, have a look at the cover art from the first issue of Super Friends, the Johnny DC title, "based on the hot toy line from Mattel," according to DC Comics. The similarities are obvious and many.



Mediaweek says, "the half-hour series Batman: The Brave and the Bold promises to be a more lighthearted throwback to the Batman of the 1960s and '70s, before The Dark Knight franchise turned the cowled crime fighter into an angst-ridden existentialist." So why is Batman being reduced to a goofy, grinning schmuck, reminiscent of his appearances on The New Scooby-Doo Movies? Because the guy behind the show has a very low opinion of your little boys and girls.

Quote: Batman: The Brave and the Bold is a 30-minute animated action/adventure created by Warner Bros. Animation and executive produced by Sam Register.

Sam Register was Senior Vice President of Original Animation for Cartoon Network (he now has a first-look development deal with them, as well as a development and production deal with Warner Bros. Animation), and he's responsible for taking what was once one of the most respected categories in the medium (the cartoons based on DC Comics superheroes), and turning it into a joke. Teen Titans was the beginning, transforming the 1980s Marv Wolfman reboot into an Americanized-anime mockery. Only a small handful of episodes could legitimately be described as "good"; most of them were barely watchable. Despite Register's idea that a series must be written for the lowest common denominator to attract a sizable young audience, the show's ratings could never top Justice League or Justice League Unlimited, the series Register believed too complicated for "six-, and seven-, and eight-year-olds". Oops. "Everything really needs to make sense in the story," he said. See? He thinks American kids can't follow Justice League Unlimited. Hell, he doesn't even think the youngsters are bright enough to grasp the concept of a superhero's secret identity. "Again, that's for clarity for the kids. We're not doing alter egos. They walk around town in their suits. They go to movies dressed as superheroes. Everyone sees them as superheroes. They go to a party as superheroes. They're superheroes full time." Despite all the publicity and promotion it received, Teen Titans' first DVD release, "Divide and Conquer" (six-episodes), was outsold by "The New Kid" (also six-episodes), the first DVD release of Static Shock. "The New Kid" didn't have nearly the marketing power to drive its sales, but this was a show decidely not written down to kids. Double oops.

Amazingly enough, Register sold Warner Bros. on another DC series, this time bringing The Batman to Saturday mornings, and even managing to have restrictions imposed on the Justice League Unlimited staff. What a guy with such a low opinion of kids' intelligence is doing working in cartoons is beyond my understanding, but there he was, pushing his sanitized version of Batman into the rotation. The Batman brought about a "reimagining" of the Penguin as a portly master of martial arts, the Joker as a hunching, barefoot, and red-eyed acrobat who sports weird, anime-inspired hair and bounces off walls, Poison Ivy as a high school student and friend of Barbara Gordon, Clayface as a former GPD officer and Bruce Wayne's best friend (the producers never heard of Harvey Dent?), the Riddler as a whining, goth Marilyn Manson clone, and Mr. Freeze as a common thief. Somehow, Register managed to turn Batman into something that was even worse than his Teen Titans experiment. Meanwhile, back at Cartoon Network, where Register holds the title of vice president, Justice League Unlimited suddenly found its Saturday night 8:30 PM time slot changed to 9:00 PM, and then to 10:00 PM in the final season, which also saw several weeks between new episodes that were not only completed, but had already aired in other countries. None of this managed to hurt its ratings, but the show was not picked up for another season, anyway.

Jealous much, Sammy boy?

James Tucker, one of the very knowledgeable and talented producers of Justice League and Justice League Unlimited, went on to produce Sam Register's third series based on DC lore, the subpar Legion of Super Heroes cartoon. I gave LoSH a chance because of Tucker, but Register's influence was just too overwhelming for the series to do anything for me. Once again, the stories and dialogue were heavily dumbed down, but it seemed as though people may have finally begun to see through Register's act. LoSH only lasted two thirteen-episode seasons before being dropped, and Mattel couldn't get retailers to buy into a line of action figures based on the show. So this failure should spell doom for Register and his weak brand of entertainment, right? Apparently not, because now he's poised to plunge Batman even further into the depths of absurdity with his new project. He's bringing Tucker along, who says in this interview with Comic Book Resources that the show is, "more Batman as a superhero as opposed to Batman as a dark avenger." Also joining the show's staff is Matt Wayne, another superb talent from the Justice League Unlimited team (he was the story editor and wrote fantastic episodes like "Patriot Act" and "Alive", in addition to Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms). They'll do the best they can with the material, just like they did with LoSH, but any team is only as good as its leader. Before Sam Register is done, he'll have them cranking out one boring, simplistic, and sterilized episode after another.

If Register ever wants to see how a show for the youngest of audiences should be produced, he should try taking lessons from Paul Dini's Krypto The Superdog. Fortunately for the Last Dog of Krpyton, Sander Schwartz served as executive producer. Even though Register was involved in his capacity as VP at Cartoon Network, he didn't have his fangs firmly implanted in its throat.

Sam Register Thinks Your Kids Are Stupid

Gotham Girls Animated Shorts Coming To DVD

Buried in Warner Home Video's press release announcing the first (and only) season of Birds Of Prey will finally be released on DVD was this:

Quote: In addition to the entire series, complete with 13 full episodes, Birds of Prey: The Complete Series includes never-before-seen special features such as: Gotham Girls S1-3 – An animated series of shorts starring the Birds of Prey characters.

Well, obviously seasons 1-3 of Gotham Girls have been seen, but only on the internet (season three begins here). It's a part of the DC Animated Universe that fans have wanted for a long time, and even though it's not getting a DVD release proper, it will still be a welcome addition to every DCAU collection.


That just leaves The Zeta Project and Static Shock missing from DVD shelves everywhere. What gives? In an e-mail marketing campaign on April 5, 2007, Warner Bros. conducted a survey of animation fans to gauge interest in several of their properties. Included on that list was The Zeta Project, so they are perfectly aware that fans are out there and willing to part with their money. And Static Shock? The show's ratings and popularity say all that needs to be said.

So how 'bout it, Warner Bros.? When can we get full sets of Zeta and Static to complete the DCAU?