The Little Drummer Boba

Cloned on Kamino (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

Only son of Jango (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

A Jedi killed my pops (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

He sliced his head right off (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum).

I will avenge him (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

With laser guns.


Do what I must do (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

To get to Mace Windu (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

And bring about his doom (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

Plant a bomb in his room (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum),

Blow him to pieces (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

Jedi scum.


Disguised as a cadet (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

My name is Boba Fett (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

It seemed all hope was lost (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

But I was rescued by Bossk (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum),

I end up sarlacc food (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum),

That's no fun. :-(

X-Force

More Crossing the streams additions, this time featuring Asajj Ventress and Wolverine.

Crossing the streams...

Blurring the lines between universes in a new set on Flickr.

There Is No Dana, Only Hasbro

With another Toy Fair coming to an end tomorrow, I can feel my wallet getting lighter already.

Other than the first couple of Episode III waves in 2005, I haven't actively collected STAR WARS figures since 2003. The more I shopped for The Clone Wars figures for this little Clone Trooper's Christmas presents, though, the more they grew on me. So while I was in Toys Я Us on January 28, I picked up my first four figures from the line. I bought my fifth at another store just a few miles down the highway. Less than three weeks later, I have over twenty of the things. So in addition to waiting for G.I. JOE and Marvel Universe news, now I was eager to see what was coming from that line, too. Hasbro did not disappoint. Does that mean I loved and will buy everything shown? Of course not, but I prefer to focus on toys that I do like. Here are some of my favorite highlights of the reveals from those three lines.



And check out these great G.I. JOE: Renegades toys over at Generals Joes. How great is that Cobra Commander figure? The company's products continue to impress.

Meanwhile, Mattel announced that 2011 would be the last year for their only line I collect, Justice League Unlimited. That writing has been on the wall for some time now, and they've done wonders with the character selection in the Bruce Timm style. It's no surprise that the line is winding down, and you won't get any complaints from me. I do wish they'd find a way to do something more with the DC license, though, specifically in the 3¾" scale. It looks like I'm on my way to being a Hasbro-only collector, though, at least when it comes to mainstream retail brands.

And special thanks to Yodasnews, The Terror Drome, Generals Joes, ToyNewsi, and Action Figure Insider for keeping the rest of us informed during Toy Fair.

Little Darth Vader Volkswagen Commercial

This is one of the cutest ad spots you'll ever see. I imagine they'll show this during the Super Bowl on Sunday. If so, it's guaranteed to be the year's best.

Top Ten '80s Action Figure Lines That Need A Comeback

Retro is all the rage these days, isn't it? Everything old is new again, especially if the "old" is from the '80s. New adaptations of The Karate Kid and The A-Team will hit theaters soon (they actually open on the same day), with sequels to Predator and TRON coming in July and December respectively. The remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street just opened a couple of weeks ago. MacGruber, as stupid as it looks, is a parody of an '80s television show. The Expendables, which opens in August, isn't a sequel or a remake, but it's definitely a throwback to the '80s action genre. Even Red Dawn, which was as '80s as you could get (if only all Cold War-era propaganda was as fun), is getting a remake.

And that's just what's coming out this year. Beverly Hills Cop, Ghostbusters, and The Last Starfighter sequels are in the works, and so are remakes of Footloose, Police Academy, Poltergeist (which may or may not be released this year), Private Benjamin, RoboCop, and Short Circuit. Before you ask, there's no remake of Big Trouble In Little China on the schedule. Not yet, anyway. A Conan reboot opens next year, and Columbia hired Mike Finch and Alex Litvak, writers of the aforementioned Predators, to write a new Masters Of The Universe script.

Speaking of Masters Of The Universe, Hollywood studios aren't the only ones who've been getting into the '80s nostalgia. Despite having loyal collectors for years, Hasbro's 25th Anniversary G.I. JOE line sparked the interest of many adults who hadn't paid much attention to the property since the days of playing in the backyard. They kept that going until debuting a line for G.I. JOE: The Rise Of Cobra, the brand's first live-action movie, two years later. This came after the success they found - both at the box office and in the toy aisles - by taking Transformers to the big screen. They also worked Secret Wars comic book two-packs into their 3¾" Marvel Universe, recalling Mattel's '84-'85 Secret Wars line. Mattel themselves found more of a market than they seemed to expect when they introduced their direct-to-consumer Masters Of The Universe Classics. Their DC Universe Classics line clearly draws inspiration from Kenner's Super Powers Collection, and they just launched a new Ghostbusters line recently (with toys based on The Real Ghostbusters still to come). Playmates released a 25th Anniversary line of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures last year, reproductions of the toys originally sold in 1988.

With G.I. JOE, Transformers, Super Powers, Secret Wars, Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, and He-Man out of the way, and STAR WARS having been back on the scene since '95, what are the top action figure lines from the '80s that still need to be revisited?

10. SilverHawks: "Partly metal, partly real..." Never one of my favorites, but that's why it comes in at number ten. I had a couple of the figures, and I watched the cartoon from time to time, but I couldn't name any of the characters off the top of my head. In fact, my favorite thing about SilverHawks is the collection of audio outtakes that showed up on the interweb back in the '90s. The Kenner figures really weren't bad, but this is more of a nostalgia pick than anything else.
    
    
9. Starriors: TOMY's Starriors line wasn't terribly popular, and I didn't know much about them as a kid. I only had three of the toys: Motormouth, Gouge, and (my favorite) Hotshot. I wanted Deadeye after seeing him in one of the comics, but I don't know if I ever even saw him in a store. I really liked these at first, but I lost interest pretty quickly, as G.I. JOE, STAR WARS, Transformers, and Super Powers were taking up most of my time in '84. In fact, Hotshot found himself fighting in one of those universes more often than not. The Starriors toys were very cool, though, and an updated take on them with modern articulation - and maybe some new comics - is something I would definitely collect.
   
   
8. Battle Beasts: What do you get when you give weapons, armor, and bloodlust to a bunch of anthropomorphized animals? Battle Beasts! Or at least that's what they were called here in the states. Originally marketed as BeastFormers by Takara in Japan, they were intended to be a spin-off of Transformers, even appearing in the Japanese version of the cartoon. Hasbro didn't see it that way (and rightfully so, if you ask me), releasing them independent of the robots in disguise here in the States. Each figure had a hologram "Battle Badge" on its chest that determined the team for which it would fight, fire, wood, or water. The hologram decals were similar to the Autobot and Decepticon decals on early Transformers, in that you had to heat them up by rubbing on them to see the image. Diamond Select Toys bought the rights to Battle Beasts last year, and they're supposed to be getting a new line. Of course, this was supposed to start in December of '09, and then March, and now it could be delayed until next year or never happen at all. That would be a shame, because Battle Beasts kicked ass.
   
   
7. Army Ants: While we're on the subject of anthropomorphized creatures with weapons, it's time for Army Ants. General Mc-Anther leads his blue army against the orange forces of General Patant. Another Hasbro line, some of the Ants shared names with G.I. JOE characters like Stalker, Blow Torch, Knockdown, Repeater, and Recoil, with the Ant versions of those last two actually predating their JOE counterparts. Others shared names with Transformers, including Bone Crusher and Snarl. Aside from the two generals, Hasbro surprisingly didn't go crazy with the puns. Army Ants had no screws or metal parts to rust, so leaving them out in the yard overnight was never a problem.
   
   
6. The Karate Kid: First of all, considering it's from 1986, my Mr. Miyagi figure looks a hell of a lot like Pat Morita. Seriously, that's a damn good sculpt for the '80s, and it's not a bad one by modern standards. In fact, most of Remco's The Karate Kid figures were solid. I'd still love to see a company like NECA or Bif Bang Pow! take a crack at the likes of Daniel LaRusso (plus the Had-His-Ass-Kicked-For-Ten-Minutes chase variant), Mr. Miyagi, Johnny Lawrence, John Kreese, Ali, Sato, and Chozen. The Karate Kid and The Karate Kid, Part II were just released on Blu-ray for the first time, and I'd be all over a new toy line based on those two movies.
   
   
5. Voltron: Defender of the Universe: No, I'm not talking about the stupid Vehicle Voltron thing, but Lion Force Voltron, the real Voltron. Was the fully assembled Voltron the greatest toy ever? I have no idea, because I didn't have it. This is on the list for purely selfish reasons, as I had the following Voltron toys: Keith, the Black Lion, and King Zarkon from Panosh Place. Oh, and I had some really small Voltron figure (maybe from Bandai?) that didn't even separate into the individual lions. Words cannot express what only having one Voltron lion will do to a little boy. That kind of frustration never goes away. And even though I can barely make it through an episode of the Lion Force cartoon these days, I still want the completed Voltron toy. I know Trendmasters did one in the late '90s, and I've seen the Toynami stuff at a local store recently. Nuh-uh. I want the original Voltron, I want it to split into five lions, and I want each of those lions to hold a figure in his/her uniform from the series. And sure, I could track down the original toys on eBay, but that's not exactly the point of this list, is it? Nicktoons supposedly has a new Lion Force cartoon in the works, so there's at least a slim a chance that this could happen. I can hope, can't I?
   
   
4. ThunderCats: Like SilverHawks, this is another one that was never among my favorites. If I was being selfish with Voltron, I'm being altruistic with this pick. I don't think I ever had any ThunderCats toys, to be perfectly honest, but I watched the cartoon more than I watched SilverHawks. I at least knew the villain's name when it came time for a trivia contest, and that was enough to win a Zartan figure from a local television station (see my Must-Haves For Collectors page for that story). ThunderCats enjoyed a measure of popularity, though, and the cat-people concept is something that could really work for modern toys. Those outfits would need to be updated and improved, but I can't deny the potential. ThunderCats and SilverHawks were both produced by Rankin/Bass and owned by Lorimar-Telepictures, and Warner Bros. acquired the rights to their library in 1989. There has been fan interest in new toys, but no company seems to have come close to working out a licensing agreement with Warner Bros. A ThunderCats movie was apparently on the table at one point, but it got scrapped. For now, it doesn't look like we'll be seeing Lion-O or Snarf any time soon. One more thing they had in common with SilverHawks? There are ThunderCats outtakes, too.
   
   
3. TRON: With TRON: Legacy coming to theaters in December, this is probably the most likely candidate on the list after Battle Beasts for a new toy line, at least in the near future. The original figures were kind of lousy, but I loved them, anyway. The Light Cycles were awesome, though, and I would frequently loan them out to figures from other lines. Completely translucent plastic obviously wouldn't be the way to go today, but I'm hoping to see someone get the license and do something incredible with characters from the sequel, and hopefully with a few from the original, as well. New vehicles would be a real treat, especially in-scale Recognizers.
   
   
2. Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future: Mattel really swung for the fences with their Captain Power toys, an ambitious approach to the crowded action figure market of the '80s. In addition to using your own imagination, the live-action television show provided an interactive experience, allowing you to "shoot" at enemies on the screen. You could also find yourself getting shot, which resulted in Captain Power being ejected from the XT-7. I loved these, I had all the VHS tapes, and I tuned in for the show every weekend. I managed to have Jonathan Power, Lt. Tank Ellis, Major Hawk Masterson, a Soaron Sky Sentry, and a Blastarr Ground Guardian in my collection. The Powerjet XT-7 was my only vehicle, but that was enough. Considering how much smaller the demand for action figures is these days, largely due to competition from things like video games, an updated Captain Power seems like a no-brainer. How difficult could it really be to develop an XT-7 that works with the Wii, for example? That would take the "interactive" aspect of the concept to new levels, since the television show and videos only allowed you to score points. You didn't get to help decide the fate of your heroes. Tie Captain Power in with the Wii, and suddenly kids who play the game can continue their adventures away from the console with the action figures. Resurrecting the characters on television is most likely out of the question, thanks to the Children's Television Act of 1990. Something like Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future would be a sure bet to get classified as a, "program-length commercial," as the original was already controversial in the '80s.
   
   
1. M.A.S.K.: I'm sure this is the predictable choice for any list like this, but that's because Kenner's M.A.S.K. toys were so much fun. The intent was obvious, trying to capture the attention of kids who were into G.I. JOE and Transformers, both of which were Hasbro brands. Kenner already had STAR WARS, but that line was coming to an end in 1985, the same year the Mobile Armored Strike Kommand was introduced. M.A.S.K. figures were smaller than STAR WARS or G.I. JOE, maybe half the size, which likely kept costs down on the real selling point of the line, the vehicles. You had a car that turned into a jet, a motorcycle that turned into a helicopter, a Jeep that launched a hidden boat, and a helicopter that turned into a jet. Never really got the point of that last one, but whatever. The thing to remember is that M.A.S.K. was awesome, and it's easily the best action figure line of the '80s that hasn't been revisited properly.
   
   I say, "properly," because Hasbro took ownership of M.A.S.K. with their 1991 acquisition of Tonka, which had bought Kenner in 1987. Included in the eleventh wave of the 25th Anniversary/Modern Era G.I. JOE line was a Specialist Trakker figure, as seen above. This "new" character's real name? Matt Trakker. Check out Trakker's filecard over at YoJoe.com, and you'll see how Hasbro managed to fit the M.A.S.K. and V.E.N.O.M. teams into the G.I. JOE universe. Many fans interpreted this as a tease of possible things to come, but Hasbro reps have insisted they have no plans of launching a new M.A.S.K. line. There's always hope that those plans could change, though.
   
   

I have to give an honorable mention to M.U.S.C.L.E., but sorry, fans of Centurions, Sectaurs, and Visionaries. I know they will all have their supporters, but they never made the cut for me. I would have put Super Naturals or Manglors on the list before any of those.

Looking back, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Thinking and writing about all of this stuff is probably going to cost me a fortune.

Luke Skywalker Wasn't Much Of A Jedi

Today marks the tenth anniversary of ArtoosNews.com. While it was around, R2N was my favorite STAR WARS collecting site, but it only lasted a few years (that's okay, though, because we have YodasNews.com now). In honor of its anniversary, here's a (slightly edited) copy of a post I authored on the site's forum back in 2002. Hope you're doing well, Travis!

"Luke's just not a farmer, Owen. He has too much of his father in him." - Beru Lars

Did he? Did he really have too much of his father in him? His father was an arrogant Jedi apprentice, and if anything, he was too confident in his abilities. The closest Luke ever came to being cocky, despite Han Solo's comments in A New Hope, was when he ran off to face Vader before completing his training. That was more stupidity than anything else. It was always, "I can't do this. I can't do that. It's impossible." Anakin seemed completely different. You never saw Luke jumping out of a speeder thousands of feet in the air! Anakin went out and did his thing. The kid was like nine years old, flying starfighters in space battles, podracing, and even building his own racer. He was a slave, but he kept a positive attitude. Luke is like twenty years old, and he thinks he has it bad working on his uncle's farm.

"But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters." - Luke Skywalker

You ever want to just smack someone? Why didn't Owen just backhand Luke and put him in his place? Ungrateful little desert hick, he should have been thankful that this farmer, to whom he wasn't even really related, had taken him into his home. But no, not Luke. He has to complain about everything. People say that Jar Jar is annoying, but Jar Jar can't touch Luke.

"I can't get involved. I've got work to do." - Luke Skywalker

The film could have easily been titled Star Whines with this guy. What did Obi-Wan even see in him? How did he peg this kid for Jedi material? After seeing cats like Mace Windu in action, not to mention young Obi-Wan and a younger Yoda, exactly what did he think this kid was capable of becoming? He never accomplished anything remotely close to what we have seen the Jedi do in the prequels. Leia seemed like a much better candidate. She was strong, independent, and fearless. Luke was a whiny, obnoxious pain in the ass.

"I warn you not to underestimate my powers." - Luke Skywalker

What powers? When Darth Maul is backing away from Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, he uses the Force to lift some crate and smash it into the control panel to open a door. What does Luke do when Jabba drops him into the Rancor pit? He throws a skull at the control panel. Granted, it was a throw that would have made Dan Marino proud, but come on, man. Powers? Give me a break. It was just a nice toss.

"You want the impossible." - Luke Skywalker

After all the things to which Luke had been witness...

Ben teaching him the ways of the Force, using the Force to control the minds of the Stormtroopers, and guiding Luke when he himself used the Force to drop a bomb right up the gut of the first Death Star, all without the aid of a targeting computer... Why was lifting an X-Wing so impossible? You never see Anakin display that attitude. Anakin is the exact opposite, which is why I liked him better. Luke was always waiting to get kicked around, never really getting the whole Jedi thing down. Anakin would jump right into the thick of the shit without giving it a second thought. The only times you really see him hesitate are 1) when he's trying to decide if he's going to side with Palpatine or the Jedi and 2) when he has to slice up a bunch of little kids.

"With the blast shield down I can't even see. How am I supposed to fight?" - Luke Skywalker

Can you see Obi-Wan acting that way during his training? Qui-Gon? Mace? I can't even see Anakin acting like that. He grew up being able to, "see things before they happen," remember? He would have been all about fighting the remote without his vision. What about the Bear Clan? You think those little kids would have whined to Yoda? No way. They would have done what they were told. Luke just complained. All the time.

"Luke's crazy. He can't even take care of himself, much less rescue anybody." - Han Solo

Good thing Han Solo was around to take care of Luke, seeing as how the little punk was always trying to get himself killed. Being tracked down by Vader's ship is one thing, because we all know that Vader is an excellent pilot. In The Empire Strikes Back, however, Luke almost gets taken out by the STAR WARS equivalent of a polar bear. Luke can't use the Force to sense this big Wampa walking up behind him? Anakin and Obi-Wan were in deep conversation when they both sensed the little assassin slugs in the next room. Not only was Luke a punk, but he wasn't too sharp, either. So this Wampa grabs him and freezes him to the roof of his cave. Luke looks as if he is going to have an aneurysm just using the Force to grab his lightsaber. What a joke... He dies if Han doesn't show up to save him.

"An elegant weapon for a more civilized time. For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times, before the Empire." - Obi-Wan Kenobi

Look at the way the Jedi conduct themselves in the Old Republic. Even Anakin, who began life as a slave and eventually becomes Darth Vader, is a sophisticated, talented young gentleman. Luke never displayed any of those qualities, but I was happy for Luke when he started to beat Vader down in Return Of The Jedi. He was winning, and he could have finished him, had he chosen to do so. But then the Emperor put Luke in his proper place: lying on his back, screaming like a bitch. Luke is a goner at this point, but once again, someone comes along to save this pathetic, sorry excuse for a Jedi. He just sliced off Vader's hand, so for all he knows, the Dark Lord of the Sith wants to watch him fry. But Anakin Skywalker found something he had lost, something he didn't even know still existed: his humanity. He sacrifices himself to save his son, and Luke Skywalker Forrest Gumps his way through another adventure.

Luke Skywalker: "So, what do you think of her, Han?"
Han Solo: "I'm tryin' not to, kid."
Luke Skywalker: "Good."
Han Solo: "Still, she's gotta lot of spirit. I don't know, whaddya think? You think a princess and a guy like me--"
Luke Skywalker: "No."

What the hell? How Force-sensitive could Luke have been? He was falling for his sister! He kissed his sister! If that doesn't leave a foul taste in your mouth, I don't know what will. All the whining, all the shortcomings, all the less-than-impressive Jedi skills, it could all be forgiven. You just don't make out with your sister, though.

No, Luke wasn't much of a Jedi. I know a lot of people don't much care for the prequels, but personally, I'm happy that George Lucas gave us a taste of what Jedi were supposed to be. I'm glad we got a sample of what Obi-Wan was talking about on Tatooine, when he was telling Luke about the Old Republic and the Jedi Knights protecting the galaxy. And I'm glad that Luke didn't have to be in those films.

Sign Here, Please: Larry Hama

Having already been indoctrinated in the ways of the Force since just after my birth, I was introduced to something new at the age of five in 1982. That was the year I received my first G.I. JOE figures, Breaker and Snake-Eyes. Breaker was pretty cool, but not the most exciting toy in the world. Snake-Eyes, on the other hand, was more than just an ordinary soldier toy. He was dressed in all black, and he wore a mask. A soldier who wears a mask must be badass, right? I was intrigued, and it wasn't long before I realized there were monthly adventures to be followed in G.I. JOE from Marvel Comics. Issues #2-#10 held my attention (I didn't get a copy of #1 for a few years), but things really picked up in the teens. Characters like Destro, Dr. Venom, and Scar-Face were introduced. Betrayal occurs in the ranks of Cobra, and Baroness suffers for it. Something else happend when the series got to issue #21, though, a chapter without even a single word of dialogue. It had already been established that Snake-Eyes didn't speak, but this was a silent issue, and it introduced Storm Shadow, the Cobra ninja. Ninjas? Really? I was hooked.

I followed the series for years. Zartan and the Dreadnoks came next, and as the origins of Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow, Zartan, and Cobra Commander were fleshed out, I grew increasingly eager for each month's new installment. When the animated series debuted in 1985, it was a tremendous disappointment. This cartoon was nothing like the comics I had been reading! '85 was also the year I really got into DC Comics. I had always loved Batman, and I already had several of the Super Powers figures, but the Super Friends and Super Friends: The Legendary Super Powers Show cartoons were the media fueling my interest. Once I read Crisis On Infinite Earths, I knew there was more to superheroes than what those shows could offer.

But even as I read titles with Batman, Superman, Firestorm, and the Justice League, it was G.I. JOE I read religiously. I could not miss an issue of that book. The stories weren't talking down to me like the animation was, they provided me with history and character development, and people actually got hit by bullets (not lasers!) in combat. This meant something to me. I didn't want to see parachutes every time an aircraft was lost in battle; I wanted consequences. Larry Hama, who wrote an amazing 149 of the 155 issues (in addition to over two dozen issues of G.I. JOE: Special Missions and most of the file cards from Hasbro's line of action figures), provided them.

It was Mr. Hama's work that most inspired me as a youth to take English and creative writing seriously in school, his storytelling that made me want to be a writer. I've only had one piece of fiction published, but I have managed to earn a living in the past as a proofreader and as a copywriter, and that likely would not be the case if I hadn't been so greatly influenced by Mr. Hama. When it was announced that he would be a guest the 2007 G.I. JOE Collectors' Convention in Atlanta, there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to meet a creator who'd had such an impact on me. Sure, I wanted to see the new 25th Anniversary action figures that were being shown for the first time, and I wanted to experience the convention itself, but my primary motivation in making the trip was a chance to meet Mr. Hama. I no longer have the G.I. JOE #21 I had as a kid, but I had replaced my old copy of G.I. JOE Yearbook #3, which contains the second silent story. I took it with me to Atlanta to have it signed by Mr. Hama.



After so many years of admiring his writing, meeting Mr. Hama, who was both friendly and humble, is a memory I will always keep with me.

There are several writers and artists I hope to meet at some point, creators like Frank Miller, Bruce Timm, Paul Dini, Jeph Loeb, Brad Meltzer, Tony Isabella, Grant Morrison, and Dennis O'Neil. I'm thinking of making the trip to NYCC next fall, so maybe I'll get a chance to scratch a couple of those guys off my list.

Sign Here, Please: Larry Hama

Stay On Target: The Dark Knight Has STAR WARS In Its Sights

Results as of 08/13/08 from Box Office Mojo:


By the time the opening weekend totals for STAR WARS: The Clone Wars are calculated, The Dark Knight will have surpassed the original film in domestic box office gross. That makes Batman bigger Luke Skywalker, Shrek, E.T., Jack Sparrow, Peter Parker, Hobbits, Jesus, dinosaurs, and Michael Baybots. I'm sure someone, somewhere (most likely in an office at Paramount), is thinking about how much bigger #20 could have been if it had been directed by a competent filmmaker and taken halfway seriously. I wonder if they're second-guessing any of their decisions on G.I. JOE right now?

Stay On Target: The Dark Knight Has STAR WARS In Its Sights