I could be talking about lots of people right now, from the millions who watch American Idol (or any other "reality" show) every week to the people who keep prattling on about how great Avatar is. I could be talking about the few zhlobs who are still willing to admit they loved The Matrix, or I could be referring to the masochists who keep buying tickets to Brett Ratner and Roland Emmerich movies. They're not the subject of this post, though. I'm talking to you today, the genre animation fan.
Yes, you. The fan who settled for The Batman after nearly a decade-and-a-half of Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, The New Batman Adventures, Batman Beyond, Justice League, and Justice League Unlimited. Now you're on the internet trying to convince people that Batman: The Brave And The Bold is a quality series. Deep down, I think you really know better. Even though you say it's a "fun" show, I think you realize how bad it is, even if you won't admit it (not even to yourself).
And yes, I'm also talking to you, the Transformers Animated fan. I guess you were just desperate for anything that even resembled the Robots In Disguise you remember from the '80s after that disaster of a "film" Michael Bay delivered. Look, I get it. I've been there before. I've known the abject disappointment that comes with being a huge fan of a particular property that gets butchered by some hack with studio backing. Tim Burton's Batman, anyone? It doesn't mean you have to embrace something that happens to not suck quite as hard and pretend like it has any real merit. You hear any Detroit Lions fans talking about how great the team was in 2009 because they didn't lose every game? No, you don't. That's because even Lions fans aren't as self-deceiving as you.
And yes, I'm talking to you most of all, G.I. JOE: Resolute fans. Talk about drinking the proverbial fucking Kool-Aid. A preview was shown in San Diego, and the clip included some actual violence. You were so excited! It was announced that this new web series would be a more grown-up JOE, and you could barely keep your panties dry. Warren Ellis was announced as the writer, and there was much rejoicing. And then Resolute was released, bit by bit, on the internet before airing in its entirety on [adult swim], and...
It was boring. It was weak. It was tired, stale, and unoriginal. It was nothing special. In fact, it was pretty goddamn bad. But you just couldn't admit it. Why? Are you living in denial? No, you're just easily entertained. And that's okay. Lots of people enjoy subpar entertainment, but you haven't even figured out that you're one of them. In fact, you go out of your way to convince yourself (and everyone who will pay attention to you) that you're not. That is where you're in denial. You keep going on and on about how "great" this stuff is, the amazing "quality" of the writing (which was absolutely the worst of Ellis' career), and how it was, "stunning," "groundbreaking," "brilliant," and several other adjectives (these were pulled from actual comments across various sites) that have no business being associated with this piece of shit.
Because that's exactly what it was, a piece of shit, at least in terms of storytelling. And there's a trend here, one that reaches deeper than simply cartoons based on popular characters from toy lines and comic books. That trend is Sam Register. I knew he operated under the assumption that animation has to be dumbed down for the lowest common denominator in order to appeal to children, but I didn't know he felt the same way about adults until I saw Resolute. Rather than reject this notion when your intelligence was insulted with this garbage, however, you did those of us who appreciate top-notch fiction with our animation a tremendous disservice by not only accepting it, but actually lavishing praise on this halfhearted effort.
So not only are you easily entertained, but you're also bad for the medium, and that's the real shame of the matter.
